The Rochette Terror Broadway Show
by Theatremouse
Summary: Basically a parody of the movie, um, the rating may change to NC-17 later, but this is it for now.


A/N: Okay, I have did not create RHPS (wish I had), However, Everyone but Brad, Janet and the Criminologist are mine

A/N:Okay, I have did not create RHPS (wish I had), However, Everyone but Brad, Janet and the Criminologist are mine.I am suggesting nothing about these actor/ress, I just picked randomly.

The 

Rochette Terror

Broadway show

Cast:

Brad Majors (a faggot) Ethan Hawke

Janet Weiss (a hopeless case) Michelle Pfeiffer

Francine Furter (a tomboy) Ellen DeGenneres

Argentina (a freak) Madonna

Fuchsia (a maid) Sandra Bullock (God she's hot)

Street Rat (a "candy man") ALF

Dr. Scott Everet (a snob) Tom Cruise

Edwina (a biker chick) Kathy Bates

Rochette Terror (a creation) Anne Heche

Criminologist (an incredibly boring dude) Patrick Stewart

Pennsylvanians- Hollywood agents

Opening:

A pair of blue chattering lips and teeth appears on the screen.We hear, Street Rat's voice.

Louis B. Mayer was ill

The day his heart stood still,

And he was too weak to stand.

And Steve Reeves was there

In leopard underwear

Jack Haley was the Tin Man.

Then something went wrong

For Frank and his thong

They got caught in a Time Warp jam.

Then at a deadly pace

Mama Cass took up all the space

And this is how the message ran…

Science Fiction- Crappy Feature

Susan S. - Might, have a future

If she can deny- she played Janet

In the cult classic- Rocky Horror Picture Show

(Shivers)

I knew Lewis Carroll was under a barrel

When Alice fell into a hill.

And I didn't get hot when I saw Dr. Scott.

Dance in fishnets in a wheelchair.

Julie Andrews posed nude

Which should've been tabooed

And vomiting didn't take lots of skills

But when cars collide, said Fox to ABC

Our ratings are going to spill

Like a…

Science Fiction- Crappy Feature

Tim Curry- lost his future

Cause he couldn't deny- He played Frank

In the cult classic Rocky Horror Picture Show

(Shivers)

The lips shatter.

Scene One: A courtroom.

Janet:Oh Brad, isn't this exciting, my first restraining order.

Brad: That means you keep 500 feet away from.

Janet: Oh, you say the cutest things.

Brad: Hey Janet, I have something to say,

I really loved the skillful way you beat the other guys

With whips and chains.

The river was deep but I swam it. (Janet)

The Future is mine so don't plan it. (Janet)

If there's one fool for you, then I'm not it. (Janet)

I've one thing to say and that's 

Can it, Janet, I hate you

The road was long but I ran it (Janet)

There's no fire in my heart, to fan it (Janet)

So please won't you can it (Janet)

Oh J-A-N-E-T I hate you so!

Here is the restraining order

There's three ways that hate can grow

That's good, bad or mediocre

Oh J-A-N-E-T I hate you so!

Can it, Janet, I hate you.

Criminologist:I would like, if I may to take you on another strange journey.It seemed a relatively normal night, when Brad Majors attempted to escape Janet, on his way to visit Dr. Everet, his new lover.However, fate it seemed had decided to play a nasty trick on him, and he had a flat.Janet, just feet away also had a flat.And once again they decided to hike back to a castle.For those who don't learn from history, they are doomed to repeat it.

Scene 2: A castle.

Street Rat: Yes?

Brad: Hi, um do you have a phone we could use?

Street Rat: Come in, I will get it, please enjoy the party.

(They cautiously enter.)

Janet: This seems very familiar.

Brad: I wonder if Frank is here?

(Janet slaps him.Street Rat returns.)

Street Rat: I'm sorry, but the phone is dead.

Fuchsia:It isn't astounding

Time isn't fleeting

Sanity, takes control

But listen closely, for a little longer

Before I loose control.

I don't remember, doing the Mind Melt

Eating, those moments when.

The lightness would deck me

And the void couldn't call me

Let's do the Mind Melt Again!

Crim: It's just hop to the right.

All:And then a step to the left.

Crim: With your hands on your head.

All: You bend your knees out wide.

But it's the head banging

That really gets you complaining

Let's do the Mind Melt again!

Street Rat: I'm so dreamy

Your fantasies free me

And you will see me

All in all

In this very dimension

You don't need voyeuristic intention

Cause well secluded, you won't see a thing

Fuchsia:With a bit of a mind flip

Street Rat: Your out of the time slip

Fuchsia: And nothing will ever be the same

Street Rat:Your spaced out on sensation

Fuchsia Like you're under sedation

ALL: Let's do the Mind Melt Again!

(Chorus)

Argentina: Well I was walking down the street just having a think

When a snake of a gal gave me an evil blink

She shook me up and took me by surprise

She had an ice cream truck- and Pokemon eyes

She glanced at me and I felt a change

My mind didn't mean nothing, never would again

(Chorus)

(They all attach to the ceiling.)

Brad: Say something

Janet: Say do you know the Macarena?

(From behind them an escalator slowly ascends, from which, Francine appears, clapping.She is dressed in overalls, her breasts taped down.She appears very masculine, but is female.)

Francine: How don't you do, I

Can see you met my

Unfaithful candy man

She's just a tad brought up because

When you knocked she thought you were the handy man.

Go ahead get strung up by the way I look

Judge this book by its cover

By the light of day I am much of a man

But frankly I suck as a lover.

I just hate transvestites, from transsexual, Transylvania!

Don't make me show you around

Or even play you a sound,

Cause I ain't very groovy.

Or if you want something visual

That's really abysmal

We can take in an old Drew Carey movie

Brad: I'm sorry we caught you at home, but we need your phone

Janet: I'm in a big hurry.

Brad: We'll stay where we are, then all fix my car.

Janet: We already fucked Tim Curry!

Francine: So the chick is flat, well, how 'bout that

Well, I would panic

By the light of the night, it won't be all right

'Cause, I'm no mechanic

(Chorus)

Please don't stay for the night,

Or even a bite,

Cause I'll show you my favorite obsession

I've been making a woman with

Brown hair, and no tan

But she's great for relieving my tension

(Repeat Chorus 2x)

So, come down to my lab,

And see what's off the slab

I don't see you shiver with anticipation (No pause there)

But maybe the rain

Can't be blamed

So I won't remove the cause,

But definitely the symptom

(Goes down escalator)


End file.
